Sunday, November 15, 2015

Five Fears

We all have something we're afraid of. People can literally be afraid of anything (for example: omphalophobia is the fear of belly buttons). And we all know it's not nice to make fun of someone's fear. (Even though we all do.)

I was given a writing prompt for today's blog post: to write about my five fears. I have to be honest here. While I do tend to worry and stress over a lot of things, I only have one major fear. So I decided to make a list ranging from a minor "Oh-I'm-startled" fear and increasing into "This-is-it-this-is-how-I-die" fear. And, since I like lists so much, they're presented below in that order.

#5: Spiders. While not exactly scared of them, I don't like them. They're ugly and sneaky and some of them can kill you. When I see one, I jump and do that girl squeal. If there is someone with me, I force them to kill it. I don't like them, but I don't want to be in the same general area as one. So, no . . . not really scared of spiders. Except for the one I saw IN my house the other day. That damn thing was the size of Aragog, and it went under my couch. I'll admit it. I screamed and refused to sit on the couch for a couple of days. This picture is an accurate description of how I felt about that particular spider.

#4: Backing out a car. Yes, it's stupid. Look, I know my faults. I can admit that I'm not the best of drivers. I speed. I rock out with too-loud music. I'm terrible with directions. I have a hard time backing out a car. I have no problem going forward. That's the easy part. But I can't see BEHIND me. I'm afraid that I'll hit a mailbox. Or run the car into a ditch, Or run over another car, like in the picture. I have a good friend who shall remain nameless (she's an author too) and we like to spend time at each other's house. I hate her driveway. It's narrow, on a hill, with deep ditches on each side, and on a fairly busy road. I'm only just now--after years of knowing her--backing out of her driveway. So far, so good.

#3: Funerals. I don't know anyone who enjoys funerals. Personally, I have nightmares after every funeral I attend. I'm not quite sure why. I know everyone dies, and we have to lay their bodies to rest. To me, there is little comfort in the gathering of friends and family to send a loved one on their final journey. I know it's tradition. I understand the need to seek a measure of peace by lowering a coffin into the ground (or scattering ashes) and having the rituals of your chosen faith, as well as family and friends, to lean on. And when my daddy died, I did receive some comfort and peace from that. But funerals still make me shaky. Maybe it's because they make me infinitely sad.

#2: A deputy I work with getting hurt. This is a big one for me. I've been a dispatcher for eleven years, and the thought of someone I work with getting hurt or killed terrifies me. Especially now. You never know if a traffic stop will turn deadly, or what they will walk into while responding to a call. Whenever someone radios for backup, my heart skips a beat. If they don't respond when I ask them something, my throat tightens up with anxiety. And when they finally answer me, the relief is overwhelming. I love my job. But I know that, if someone gets hurt, I could no longer dispatch.

#1: Clowns. Yes, I know it's totally stupid. I can't help it. I am absolutely mind-numbing terrified of clowns. They are evil beings that will suck your soul. I'm sure this fear stems from having watched IT when I was six years old (thanks, Mama). It's so bad that I can't go to the circus. I cringe when I see one on TV. And if I see one in person, I freeze. Just ask my friend, the same one with the scary driveway. We went to a haunted house. I wasn't expecting to turn the corner and step into the carnival from hell. The first thing I saw was a clown. I froze. My friend was behind me and almost knocked me down because I stopped so fast. She whispered, "Uh-oh" and had to practically piggy back me out of the room. Everyone who knows me knows about my phobia, and most of them make fun of me. I don't care, because I just can't.  I can't handle it. I can't shake the fear. I'm just going to live with it the rest of my life.

And that's my list. I know you're probably shaking your head and thinking, What's wrong with her? But like I said before, everyone is afraid of something. What are you afraid of?


  1. LOL I am dying of laughter over here. You forgot to mention the part where you tried to mow me down going back the way we came from. That was not an option! Love the list!

  2. Thanks. Clowns are brutal. Sorry if I hurt you. (Not really though, because you know . . . clowns.)

  3. As your husband, I can verify this list to be the most honest thing you have ever written down on paper. Your unhealthy fear of clowns is still mind blowing to me. I fully am aware if I ever dressed up as a clown and you woke up next to me you would first kill me and then divorce me. And the spider you saw was probably only the size of a dime. I felt sorry do Autumn on you haunted excursion. Does she know you would trip here if it meant the clown was going to get you or her?

    1. Autumn is aware and holds no grudges. She understands me. And that spider was way bigger than a dime. You could have put a saddle on it. If you ever come near me dressed as a clown, I will hurt you.

  4. I am literally laughing in my chair, Beth. Sorry, you know I still love you, lol. I can relate to some of these fears, but I have to say, I don't really get the clown fear with a lot of people. You know it's a human under there and it's basically just a load of makeup on top :) But, like you said, everyone is afraid of something.

    As a child, my biggest fear was Bobo the gorilla that came to visit our school. Yes, it was a man underneath the suit, but I couldn't tell that as a 10-year old child. I literally ran out of the school gym and into a classroom to hide underneath a desk.

    But other than that, my fears are probably pretty similar to others'.

    Death - not my death for the sake of dying, but knowing my children would be in pain and I would miss moments in their lives. Or death of one of my children or other loved one.

    Losing my mind - literally, not figuratively. Mental illness is present in my mom's family :( My mind is what I'm most proud of. It's what holds all the stories I have yet to tell.

    Tight spaces - yes, I'm claustrophobic. I hate busy amusement parks and events. Probably because I got lost at a fair at three years old, (or was accidentally left behind) and my uncle found me and took me home to my parents, thank God.

    Kidnapping of one of my kids - this has been my #1 fear since I became a mother. Death has some finality and closure to it, but it would tear me apart to know that my child could be out there suffering and I couldn't do anything about it.

    So, those are my fears. Great post! Thanks for sharing :)

    1. I can just picture Bobo the gorilla. That would scare a child. :)

      I didn't list my complete refusal to speak in front of a large crowd or nervousness of being around people I don't know. I'm too socially awkward for that. Ha.

      I understand your fears. Mental illness runs in my family, and I know what you mean about leaving our children in pain upon our death.

      And the kidnapping fear? I totally get it. If something like that happened, I couldn't handle the not knowing. I pray we never have to endure that.

      Thanks for reading and sharing!

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  6. Well I was surprised to see spiders as #5 because I have seen you bolt from a room when one appears. I did know before reading that clowns would be #1 though. I don't think I have ever taunted you with any of these, but I should because I know you have taunted me with my fear of boobaas. ..yes it is a silly fear and I am probably the only person that freaks when I see or hear this children's show and books and toys but they are just creepy to me...

    1. Boobaas. Lol. I forgot about that. I'm sorry. You can taunt me with something in return. Except clowns.